What to Say (and Not Say) to Someone Grieving During the Holidays
A Few Thoughts from a Funeral Director
The holidays have a way of magnifying everything we feel—joy becomes brighter, but so does sorrow. And for someone who’s grieving, this time of year can be difficult.
If you have someone in your life who is grieving this season, you may find yourself wanting to help but not knowing what to say. That’s completely normal. Most people worry about “saying the wrong thing,” and out of that fear, they sometimes say nothing at all. But showing up—gently, honestly, and without judgment—can mean more than you realize.
Here are a few simple ways to offer comfort, along with a few phrases to avoid.
What To Say
1. “I’m thinking about you.”
You don’t have to solve anything or try to cheer them up. A simple acknowledgment helps them feel seen.
2. “I imagine this time of year may be difficult. How are you doing today?”
Asking about today helps. Grief changes constantly, and this question meets people right where they are.
3. “I don’t know exactly what to say, but I care about you.”
You don’t need perfect words. You just need sincerity.
4. “Would you like to talk about them?”
In my experience, people appreciate hearing their loved one’s name. It means their life mattered.
5. “Can I help with anything this week?”
Be specific when possible—
“Can I bring supper on Wednesday?”
“Can I pick up groceries?”
“Would you like to go for a walk?”
Practical help is a gift during overwhelming seasons.
What Not to Say
These phrases are almost always spoken with good intentions—but they can unintentionally add hurt to an already difficult time.
1. “They’re in a better place.”
That may be true, but it doesn’t lessen the pain of missing them here.
2. “At least they lived a long life.”
Grief has no timeline. Love doesn’t lessen because of age.
3. “You need to be strong.”
Grief requires honesty, not strength. Tears are not a weakness.
4. “I know exactly how you feel.”
Even similar losses are experienced differently. Better to say, “I’m here for you.”
5. “You should…”
Everyone grieves differently. No one needs rules or expectations placed on them.
Small Gestures That Mean a Lot
Sometimes the most comforting support isn’t spoken at all. Here are a few gentle ways to show you care:
- Dropping off a meal
- Sending a card that mentions their loved one’s name
- Invite them to dinner or coffee – even if they decline
- Offer to go with them to church, the cemetery, or simply for a walk outside
- Offer to help decorate, wrap gifts, or take decorations down after Christmas
- Send a simple text like “Thinking of you today.”
It’s the presence, not the perfection, that brings peace. Presence doesn’t mean fix anything.
A Final Thought
This season isn’t merry for everyone—and that’s okay. If you know someone who is grieving, your steady presence may be the most meaningful gift they receive this year. A kind word, a simple gesture, or just being close by can make the holidays feel a little less heavy.
At Moore Funeral Home, we have the privilege of supporting families through seasons like this. If you or someone you love needs encouragement or guidance this holiday, we’re here.
May this Christmas bring gentle moments, warm memories, and a little extra grace for those who are missing someone special.
